My heart felt as heavy as a motorway. For months. And the unforgiving minutes, the first brutal seconds, of the days I woke up in the weeks that followed, were creasing. As I opened my eyes, I would not imagine she was next to me, but just simply forget that she was no longer there. It felt like the opposite of life, the opposite of hope and happiness.
In the autumn, the cinema welcomed me. I went alone to watch films every day of the week, sometimes two or three films in a row. There is something to be said about light, sound, stories and stillness, and there, in the cinema, I felt my negative loneliness coagulate to a delicate, neutral, solitude.